The Royal Bournemouth Hospital CIU Tenth Birthday Rap - As Described By a Grateful Patient

Cautionary Note: this post is unlikely to mean anything to anybody who does not work in Cardiology at Royal Bournemouth Hospital!

Yo dudes hey come on cut da crap
This is yo’ 10^th Birthday rap

Listen what I’m putting down

Yours is the finest place around

Fo’ heart attacks and all that shit

I tell you baby  - you is it.

I gone down Boscombe just las’ week

I met dis guy, gave me some heat

He axed me did I want to score

Some coke so I said ‘Tell me more.’

Now I is used to doin’ weed

But man dat stuff was good indeed.

I sniff, I smoke, thought it’s the best;

Then I got me dis pain ‘n the chest.

Man that sure was powerful crack –

I got myself a heart attack.

Nearly scared myself to death

When I had that darned VF:

‘Crash’; I thought I has been tasered,

Shot, or maybe I was lasered;

The paramedic says to me,’

‘Wake up man: can you see me?’

We shocked you sir; going by the rules,

We gave you several hundred Joules.

Ah said, ‘Yo’ takin’ me to heaven?’

He said, ‘No, man, just Bee Haitch Seven.

We won’t hang round in A and E

You gone and blocked yo’ LAD.

We need to get some blood going trew;

We taking you to C-I-U.

Now wid yo’ ‘lectrics switched back on

We won’t need Richard, Mark, or John.

We need a plumber, what is mo’

We gonna give you Reopro.

We got Peter O’Kane, Manas, Tim;

You really are a Lucky Jim.’

(He says) ‘This will make you smile;

We got a guy dey call de Rotweil.

We get de Asian team come in:

Suneel or new boy Dr Din.’

I said, ‘Dose guys are good at cricket

But I’se kinda on a sticky wicket;

Come on man, just be a pal’

He said ‘We got one gal.

Yeah Rosie is the one for you;

Just let her loose, see what she’ll do.’

So in I go at half past five

I is de luckiest guy alive

Surrounded by some lovely lasses

But I’s lyin’ down, caint make no passes.

These girls mean business, they look tough,

They go and cuts my pants right off.

First thing Rosie says to me

‘We gonna give you stuff IV

Opiates, heparin, drugs like dat;’

I says, ‘Hey, morphine; dat is phat.’

I’ll come and see you guys again

When I gets dis sort a pain.’

So Rosie stuck me; in she went

First a balloon and then a stent.

So now I’m struttin’, back in town

I got the finest care around.

I’ve bid those lines of coke ‘Farewell’ –

Jus’ give me as’prin an’ clopidogrel.

So now I wish you all 3 cheers

An’ here is to yo’ next ten years...