Sunday, May 10, 2015

Some post election thoughts...

Here's one for those with a medical bent -

Would Nicola Stugeron be good for restoring a sense of equilibrium in the Labour Party?  Or merely help to combat nausea?

For those who are wondering what unemployed political leaders might be up to -


Walesoncraic is an extraordinary website, but I don't know who runs it.  A fun page on its site is entitled, 'What if famous Welsh people had had mobile phones back in the day' with entertaining texts from such legends as Dylan Thomas, Richard Burton, Gareth Edwards, JPR, and Owain Glyndwr...

http://www.walesoncraic.com/if-famous-welsh-people-had-mobile-phones/

But seriously for our friends and relatives across the sea, it has been a fascinating few days with a remarkable end result.  It seems clear that the Labour dogma of class envy just did not appeal to a majority - because the majority of people are working hard to better their own lives.  Ed Milliband's resignation speech indicated clearly that he had not thought this through, whereas Nick Clegg's resignation speech was full of thoughtful introspection.  Even Farage's resignation speech was well thought out, though parenthetically you could here him saying, 'Look, that's enough of this caper, I'm off to the pub for a pint and a fag (that's a cigarette to you Americans).'

I do believe that people were terrified of what Labour would do to the economy, given their previous track record under Gordon Brown, and some if not all would have been aware that both Ed Balls (Shadow Chancellor) and Ed Milliband were key members of Gordon Brown's 'think tank' on economic matters.

Two more items, one poignant, but both of historical interest.  Following a letter to the Daily Telegraph about a fighter pilot who took a teddy bear with him on all his missions in WWII, a plethora of spin off letters and the teddy bear went viral.  But I noticed the following letter a few days later, which said more about life in general, I think:

Valiant Bear
SIR - I was interested to read about the teddy bear that accompanied a Battle of Britain pilot (report, April 21) as I too have a little bear, with my maiden name tape sewn on it, which I gave to my fiance to take with him on his operations over Germany during the Second World War.  He was a Mosquito Night Fighter pilot and flew 50 ops accompanied by my bear, and together they won the DFC.  We were married for 50 years but now, sadly, I just have the bear.
Jean Mellows
Dorking, Surrey

And this too is of historical interest, though perhaps in a different sense.  It appeared in the Daily Telegraph on or about St George's Day (23rd April for those in other countries).  A 'Sketch' from Michael Deacon:

Handy with a lance, that St George, but would he make it through immigration?

UKIP, it might not surprise you to learn, was the only party to hold press conference devoted entirely to the subject of St George's Day.  As journalists entered the room, party officials were handing out red-and-white jester hats hung with tiny St George's crosses.  Patrick O'Flynn and Peter Whittle, Ukip's two spokesmen on St George-related issues, sat at a table decorated with English flags.  Journalists invited them to wear the jester hats, too.  Somewhat unpatriotically they declined.

Ukip has pledged to make St George's Day a bank holiday in England and St David's Day a bank holiday in Wales (just as St Andrew's Day is in Scotland).  St George, of course, was not himself an Englishman: he was born in what would now be Turkey.  I asked whether Ukip would prevent St George from coming to live and work in England, or whether the party would consider him a skilled migrant.

"Well, I guess dragon-slaying is a skill," said Mr O'Flynn.  "But whether it's one that is in short supply for the British economy would be a matter for our migration commission."

Not an unqualified welcome, then.  Mr O'Flynn did add, however, that he wasn't "particularly hung up" about "where St George came from", which I hope Ukip's migration commission will take into account in its deliberations.

Over in Ramsgate, in the South Thanet seat he's contesting, Nigel Farage had arranged a celebratory drink at a working men's club.  The bar was festooned with English flags; the tables had them as tablecloths; even the barmaid's baseball cap had a St George's cross on it.

Mr Farage, a red rose blooming from his buttonhole, sauntered behind the bar for the inevitable photos of him pulling a pint.  Revelation of the day: he doesn't like Foster's.  Odd.  I though he wanted an Australian-style pints system.

He posed with an England flag, then a plastic England hat, then an apron with an England flag on it.  He also complained that England "gets a rotten deal" compared with Scotland.  "Our politicians are ashamed of the English flag, and they've appeased Scottish nationalism.  The history of appeasement is, if you keep giving in, they only come back and ask for more!"

Wasn't the United Kingdom Independence Party in danger of morphing into the England Independence Party?  "We're the only party with elected representation in all four corners of the UK!" he trumpeted.

"But here in Thanet we are certainly not ashamed to be English!"  He then rolled up his jacket sleeve to reveal England flag cufflinks, and announced that he'd had roast beef for lunch and was having fish and chips for dinner.

Did he really mean to quit as Ukip leader if he loses in South Thanet?  "Quit?" he cried.  "I'll be gone in 10 minutes!"  I have a strange suspicion that even the people who hate him would miss him.



As I said, of historical interest only, but great fun.


Finally, to interject a really mundane note, I hope to post some photos soon of our epic trip to Yorkshire last week, a county which is so different from Dorset that one can only wonder if where Nicola leads in Scotland, someone in a flat cap with a sheepdog (or to bring it right up to date - a sheepdog on a quad bike) will surely follow.  Passports to get into the Yorkshire Dales?  Don't whisper it too loudly...

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Poole Dream Machines

Poole's tourism division come in for criticism from time to time, but a little while ago they came up with a winner - Bike Night.  Bike nights happen on Poole Quay on a Tuesday evening.  The Quay is closed to all traffic except motor bikes and for a pound a head, any biker can roar down the main drag and park their machine in as prominent a position as possible, hoping to attract the attention of the judging committee who decide on the 'Bike of the Night'.  Tuesday 21st April being a beautiful evening, the event attracted more than a thousand bikes, of every size, shape and description.  Although this is a 'Blog', only a few photos can capture the essence...

A mantra for our times...

Thirsty work riding those machines

Meanwhile all is tranquil in fisherman's dock

Last week's 'Bike of the Night', the NSU Quickly, made between 1953 and 1962

Could this be a lady's model - one careful lady owner?

Owned by The Axeman

Is it a man, is it a plane, is it a Porsche?  No it's a motor cycle (I think)

I'm not sure about this one...

Wow!

A touch of classic class - I don't know it's age but the company finished production in 1955

Another Classic

The Kaskelot, a classic 3 masted barque

That's all folks!

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Alphonse Mucha, Bournemouth, & Hamlet starring Maxine Peake, nationwide cinema release

Alphonse Mucha – Russell Cotes Museum, Bournemouth
Hamlet – cinema production – Manchester Royal Exchange Theatre starring Maxine Peake

Alphonse Mucha was a Slavic artist, originally from Moravia, who remained a lifelong supporter of national identity for a Czech, or in his time, Czechoslovakian, homeland.  He is most identified however for his association in the 1890s and early 1900s for Paris and the movement of Art Nouveau, a term which he himself derided.  Nonetheless, his swirling colour lithographs of Sarah Bernhardt and seductive female subjects, advertising everything from plays to cigarette papers, are instantly recognisable.  The Mucha foundation, family descendants who have sought to preserve his art from pastiche and plagiarism, have staged exhibitions all over the world.  Looking at the beautiful images they have brought here to Bournemouth one has the feeling that it can only be a matter of time before the Royal Academy becomes involved.  So if you are on the South coast between now and September this is your chance to see the originals, including some exquisite pen and ink drawings and some photographs of models in his studio which in their realistic poses create the curves which were later applied to the lithographs.  Here is a small sample of imperfect reproductions of what is on show.

The Seasons
Advertisement for Monte Carlo
La Trappistine - an advertisement for a liqueur
A bicycle advert!
Sarah Bernhardt as Hamlet


This last image, of Sarah Bernhardt as Hamlet, is appropriate because it illustrates the maxim that there is nothing new under the sun and leads me on to discuss...

Maxine Peake as Hamlet

Sydney Smith stated ‘I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices a man so’.  Despite temptations I haven’t read the critics’ reviews of this production which started life as a Manchester Royal Exchange Theatre play and has now been filmed.  Why no critics?  Well, I have something of a preoccupation with the play, having acted in it, read almost every major book about it, seen the Russian film 5 or 6 times, most of the other films, and several major stage productions (Albert Finney at NT; Jonathan Pryce at Royal Court; Derek Jacobi at Old Vic; others which I can’t remember but were probably less compelling), and a punchy First/Second Quarto version which carries more of the action but less of the poetry.  It’s always interesting to see a new interpretation, and there is usually something novel which the director has come up with.  To read a critic’s view is to focus on what they saw, rather than what you can see for yourself.  About the only teaching I remember from Dr William Gooddy, famous neurologist at UCH, was his remark during a teaching session one morning that ‘To be a critic you have to positively enjoy being second rate’.  Famous neurologist he may have been but his teaching was frustrating in that it was almost never anything to do with neurology.  We learnt more from his brilliant senior registrar Chris Frears...

So let’s deal with the play’s direction first.  It had some interesting quirks!  It’s certainly the first time that the graveyard and earth have been represented by discarded clothes, and poor Yorick’s skull a folded up sweater, but this at least allows the gravediggers to prepare burial space for Ophelia pretty quickly.  Fortunately we didn’t have that Russian pianist’s skull on stage, the one whose final ambition was to play Yorick, which of course he did very well indeed since Yorick doesn’t have any lines to speak.  This is not true in the Russian film of Hamlet in which Yorick is shown in flashback, a sort of amiable Rasputin figure bearing Hamlet on his back, true to the line ‘He hath borne me on his back a thousand times’.  Most of the strategies used in the direction of this play worked, though when the curtain metaphorically went up and we had guards in dayglo jackets with walkie talkies I thought ‘Oh no here we go again’, but the modern setting didn’t detract too much.  It did jar oddly when all of the weapons until the fencing scene were revolvers.  I was beginning to wonder exactly what weapons Hamlet and Laertes would use, especially after Polonia (yes, Polonia, the female alter ego of Polonius) had been shot by Hamlet.  Fortunately she had not been hiding behind the arras so H got a clean shot in and Polonia crumpled instantly.  I remember that when we acted in the school production (King Edward’s, Bath, mid 1960s) we had some childish but enjoyable wordplay with the direction ‘Polonius got stabbed in the arras’.  The revolver jarred most when Hamlet soliloquized that he could end it all ‘with a bare bodkin’.  I resisted the temptation to point out that he/she didn’t have a bare bodkin handy.  The director also made some strange cuts – ‘These are but wild and whirling words, my Lord.’ went; as did Hamlet’s retort to Polonius as he leads the players off, ‘... Use every man after his desert and who should ‘scape whipping.’  Horatio’s wonderful lines, ‘But look, the morn in russet mantle clad, Walks o’er the dew of yon high eastern hill’ etc. are mysteriously allocated to Marcellus (Marcella in this production).  How do I know this?  Well, Marcellus was the part I played – pretty small you will agree, and it would have been nice to have those extra lines.  In a school production however, being a soldier guaranteed you walk on parts at every other stage of the play.  ‘Where are my Switzers?  Let them guard the door...’ (Yes, I was a Switzer); ‘Go, take up the body...’  Yes, I was a pallbearer.  A role I would have carried off with my other three colleagues with some aplomb, but for Pete Rickard, the overweight one of our soldiers.  Our Director, the incomparable Trevor Elsom Rhymes, had a brother who worked for the RSC.  We were loaned RSC imitation chain mail bodysuits.  But the RSC had not bargained for the bulk of Pete Rickard.  At the dress rehearsal there were sounds of strain as we bent to pick up the lithe form of John Oliver, a majestic Hamlet to my mind.  At the first performance, Pete’s bodysuit ripped from stem to stern, an eerie noise in the solemn silence...  We carried John off with heaving shoulders, our sobs being sobs of laughter and not sorrow.  How did we not drop him?  In the Manchester production the sex changes didn’t matter much; I didn’t find them distracting. When the director has chosen the prettiest boy in the school to play Ophelia, and Gertrude has a mellow alto voice it matters little to the true connoisseur.  At King Edward’s we were Shakespearean to a T.

If you've followed me thus far, please allow one further indulgence, while I deliver a eulogy to John Oliver, our school Hamlet.  John was the late Minister in the difficult and troubled parish of Cape Town; a man so loved and admired in South Africa that Bishop Desmond Tutu gave the eulogy at his funeral.  John was an aesthete; he was immensely gifted.  He played the clarinet exquisitely.  He arranged Sidney Bechet’s ‘Si tu vois ma mère’ from soprano sax to clarinet and played this wonderful piece at a school concert.  His voice was one of pure poetry.  The nearest Hamlet I have heard to his was Derek Jacobi’s poetic interpretation.  In fact, his voice was so wonderful we used to get him to read poetry to us in the Prefect’s room during break.  Not for us the strains of Dylan Thomas or T S Eliot; I’m ashamed to say that we got him to read sections of Lady Chatterley’s Lover or the less salubrious bits from Terry Southern’s ‘Candy’, a novel of the time girded with marvellous sexual obscenities.  I still remember the beautiful way he said “‘Oh gosh’, said Candy”.  These gifts apparently stood him in good stead in the pulpit in the townships of the Cape...  When John took on the role of Hamlet in our school production, Trevor Rhymes wrote in the programme that ‘Only once in a generation is one privileged to find a schoolboy actor who can take on this role’; and in the programme for this film, Sarah Frankcom echoes this and writes, ‘As a director I think you can only begin to think about doing Hamlet if you are absolutely passionate about a particular actor...’  (Not too passionate I hope Sarah).

One other directorial surprise in the Manchester Royal Exchange production.  At the interval, after harrowing scenes in Gertrude’s bedroom, I commented to my long suffering wife that I was surprised that the Director, Sarah Frankcom, had cut the best known speech in the play, ‘To be or not to be...’  But it turned out that she had merely shifted it to a later part of the play.  It did not seem to suffer by its transposition.

And so to the cast.  The reason why I initially became captivated by Hamlet, even before acting in or seeing the play, was an interview on TV with Laurence Olivier, where he was asked about his interpretation, and how he maintained the intensity of his performance.  He replied that he had read the book ‘Hamlet and Oedipus’ by Ernest Jones.  Ernest Jones was a psychiatrist, a disciple of Sigmund Freud’s, and in fact worked at the hospital which I would one day explore as a medical student.  I read the book.  It all seemed to fit perfectly.  Olivier said that for better or worse he believed in that interpretation, right or wrong, and he stuck to it, and it made every scene easy to play.  This is a long winded way of saying that Hamlet is in love with his mother, and it’s important therefore that Gertrude is sexually alluring to him.  I know that almost nobody is going to read this review, which is fortunate, because sadly Barbara Marten is too old.  She looked a million dollars, elegant and refined; but in a post menopausal way, and her diction and acting skills were superb, which one could not say of the entire cast.  If one subscribes to the Olivier/Jones view then she was miscast.  Claudius was played by John Shrapnel.  What a trouper!  When one reads his acting CV, it’s not hard to understand why he was in many ways the best actor in the production.  Training with Olivier, and working with NT and RSC, his acting and diction were a joy.  Excellent support came from Ashley Zhangazha (Laertes) and Thomas Arnold (Horatio).  Ophelia is such a difficult role, I should pass over it, but Katie West in the madness scene, elicited sympathy as she tore off her clothes and sobbed in a semi-catatonic state.  Finally I should mention Gillian Bevan, who was superb as Polonius, sorry, Polonia.  She must have had great fun with this role and as senior politician in the court, more than once a flavour of Margaret Thatcher came out.

Before I move to Maxine Peake, I should mention that in our politically correct times, the Film Censors insist that we should be forewarned about what we are about to see.  I snorted with amusement (I mean the phrase) to see that the pre-show warning stated, ‘Drug taking; mild violence’.  With five murders and a suicide how could it be otherwise?  But the drug taking?  Problem solved.  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, punky student pals of Hamlet’s turn up with some white powder in a packet; unsurprisingly our Hamlet turns it down.  She only has to prevaricate for another couple of hours before stabbing Claudius and she doesn’t want her judgement clouded by cocaine.  And why did the censor not mention ‘sexual references’?  Hamlet’s mock masturbation with the book she’s reading when Polonia finds him, sorry, her (the ‘Words, words, words’ speech)?  Appropriately the book is Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince’.

So Maxine is a very compelling actress to watch.  She acts superbly.  But in the energy and the vigour, a little of the verse speaking goes.  Compare the pacing of John Shrapnel’s delivery...  The trouble is that she has a lot to get through – the uncut version of Hamlet runs to 4½ hours, so something has to be speeded up.  And Maxine’s enunciation of the letter R and a terminal T at the end of a word are sometimes not as clear as they could be.  But it is a play that begs to be cut.  The Russian film achieved this superbly.  It ran to 140 minutes in a screenplay by Boris Pasternak with music by Shostakovich.  Peter Brook admired it greatly.  The sonorous and beautiful Russian sounds are accompanied by subtitles, so diction is not a problem.

You may think I didn’t like this production.  On the contrary; it had energy and was compulsive viewing.  It was the fastest selling production in the MRE’s history – but this surely has a lot to do with the novelty casting and the fact that Maxine Peake is such a well known figure on television.  I cannot say whether the other recent celebrity Hamlets (David Tennant; Jude Law) were successful.  I try to avoid celebrity productions.  For example, having twice been to see Daniel Radcliffe in the West End I will go out of my way to avoid him and his Harry Potter groupie audience, whatever the play.  One day, heaven forfend (‘Angels and ministers of grace, defend us...’), no doubt he will play Hamlet and I will not be there to see it.


If you have read this to the end, congratulations.  ‘Brevity is the soul of wit’, but not here alas!

Sunday, February 8, 2015

What to do during the winter months...


How the winter months drag...
Twilight lasts longer at 50 degrees north (Poole) than the continent, the US, Canada, or even Australia.  Not as long of course as Scotland, Iceland, or Svalbard.  But it still can be trying as the cold dry north winds of this week, and even some snow in Dorset, make us focus on what else might be around to entertain us.

Svalbard is on people’s lips these days, thanks to Sky Atlantic’s mega-series Fortitude.  Set in the mythical arctic town of Fortitude, it’s actually filmed in Iceland (complete with extra snow carted in from England in view of the mild Icelandic climate during filming).  So far the outstanding feature is the scenery.  We are asked to believe that the temperature is around minus 30 degrees.  This therefore strains one’s disbelief a bit during some of the obligatory sex scenes.  There is outdoor (well, in a shed with the door open) coupling.  The big black guy who is the local helicopter pilot seems appropriately dressed in a massive down suit (apart from dropping his trousers) but the attractive Spanish barmaid seems to be risking hypothermia or possibly labiovulval frostbite.  Having visited Svalbard I can confirm that residents do carry rifles around with them, but not in downtown Longyearbyen, and I didn’t see any 10 year old girls hefting guns on their shoulders.  The plotlines seem a bit ludicrous (Sophie Grabol who is the Governor is desperate to build an ice hotel in the glacier.  Has nobody told her that glaciers move?).  A little boy has developed a mystery febrile illness which rendered him unconscious.  “Nothing rots here” says one character.  “It’s a perfect forensic laboratory”.  Just as well in view of the grisly murder perpetrated in episode one.  But I think he’s referring to the mystery illness.  It’s a documented fact that the great flu pandemic of 1918 to 1920 killed victims who are buried in the permafrost in Svalbard, but when they exhumed the bodies to try and isolate it the virus irritatingly refused to come to life.  Finally the other item which has emerged from the glacier where Sophie longs to build is a partly preserved mammoth.  Michael Gambon who is a naturalist photographer with a terminal illness is threatened by the Governor with expulsion if he goes around shouting about his discoveries.  “You are not allowed to die here, you know” she tells him.  Not true.  You can die in Svalbard but you get shipped back to the mainland for burial.  Jessica Raine, Christopher Eccleston and others contribute.  We await events...
Meanwhile, in the arctic twilight of Poole Lindsay keeps disappearing to watch Silent Witness, where Emilia Fox wrinkles her nose in that attractive way of hers at another grisly discovery, but having started my Charlotte Brontë novel, Shirley, I have preferred to finish it, even if there is quite a bit of literary excess (it may not surprise you that the heroines get married in the end, one of the few ways of ending a novel written by a woman in the first half of the 19th century).  Digressing about Shirley for a moment, one of the most remarkable and tragic facts about the novel is that during 1848 and 1849 when Charlotte was writing it, she nursed in succession, her brother Branwell, her sister Emily, and her final remaining sibling Anne, who all died from tuberculosis within the space of nine months.  Charlotte survived only another six years.

And we are still in touch with Broadchurch, another mythical town, this time in West Dorset (it is actually West Bay), where David Tennant and Olivia Coleman prove to be the world’s most incompetent detectives.  ‘Whose is this mobile number?’ asks DI Hardy (Tennant).  Instead of using the full analytic capabilities of the police they muse about it for a whole episode.  Like Michael Gambon, David Tennant seems to have a mystery terminal illness which is alluded to but which he never goes for treatment for (come on, I don’t think Dorchester Hospital is that bad).  Other viewers have christened it ‘BoredChurch’.  However, if you watch it in the right frame of mind it is not boring.  One is kept on one’s toes waiting for the next improbable event to occur.  A good example: DI Hardy has a previous incompetent case under his belt – a pair of murders.  The chief suspect, who got off at the trial, is a man who looks just like Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry mode (same quiff).  He also looks as though he’s been training for a weighlifting contest and spends most of the episodes doing shift work hammering in fence posts on the Dorset coast.  Despite this, when the rather unfit looking father of the (previously) murdered girl finds him, he ends up on the ground helpless, getting kicked and punched, when DI Hardy races along the cliffs to his rescue.  All characters spend a lot of time on the cliffs or the beach, staring moodily out over Lyme Bay.  Even DI Hardy, one night when he can’t sleep wanders up the coast path to the house where the prosecuting counsel lives arriving at some ungodly hour to ask her to write his will for him.  Has no one told him that a solicitor costs less than a Queen's counsel?

But there is, or was, hope.  Namely, the wonderfully acted series three of Last Tango in Halifax.  Derek Jacobi, Anne Reid, Sarah Lancashire, Nicola Walker in top form, and a script which is pared down Yorkshire and blackly funny.  We’ve just seen the last episode.  Can’t wait for the next series.
Yet more wintertime TV drama is on its way.  Indian Summers will be set in Raj India of the 1930s, in Shimla we believe.  It will star Julie Walters and is rumoured to be good.  J K Rowling’s suburban thriller, The Casual Vacancy, is coming soon.  None of this is helping couch potatoes of course, but the target audience is possibly a little different from the standard Soaps such as Eastenders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale, Holby City, Casualty, etc.

Finally among the recordings waiting in the wings (on the hard disc that is) is the new BBC adaptation of Hilary Mantel’s Booker winning sequence about Thomas Cromwell, Wolf Hall.  It stars our current greatest actor Mark Rylance as Cromwell.  Damian Lewis is Henry.  I can’t comment because I am hoping that the twilight lasts long enough to catch up with it.  Chuckle news this week is that the intrigues in and around Clarence House (the London home of Prince Charles and Camilla) are such that it is known to insiders as Wolf Hall.

In Poole we are fortunate to have the home of Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra (yes of course it is the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra but it is based in Poole).  I went to the BSO on Wednesday.  Very good concert with the programme of: Sibelius Spring tone poem, Grieg piano concerto (by Grieg for those who remember Andre Previn and Morecambe and Wise) played by Alessandro Taverna, 3rd placed in the last Leeds competition.  Bit of a heartthrob.  I feel that younger females would have been impressed with his attack, lyricism, pianism or some similar attribute.  He obligingly played some lovely Chopin as an encore.  Rachmaninov Symphonic dances in the second half.  The conductor like some policemen looked very young (even younger than Kirill Karabits, the BSO’s principal conductor).  His name is Joshua Weilerstein.

So, as Garrison Keillor would say, that’s the news from Poole and I hope you enjoyed this brief Poole Home Companion.  If you are in Australia (Kim), the USA (Tod, Alex) or Canada (Clarkson Family) I expect many of these TV adventures are on their way to you and I hope you feel prepared...

In the meantime, enjoy these pictures of Poole this morning.  Taken at the RSPB boat trip around Poole Harbour (42 species identified including the very rare black guillemot).  See our dramatic snowfall (!) last Tuesday...



Quite a contrast at Poole Quay
The new fast trimaran

Poole Harbour Entrance & Black Guillemot (see below)

Honest!  It's a Black Guillemot


The massive Dorset snowfall of February 3rd 2015


Dorset snow!
Goodbye for now... all downhill from here!



Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Trekking in the Simien Mountains, Ethiopia

Trek 8th to 12th October 2014

This account is both encouragement and caveat for those wishing to visit this remote and beautiful area.  It is still a place which few people visit.  18,000 visited in 2013.  If that sounds a lot consider that the only comparable area National Park in Britain in terms of size – the Norfolk Broads, experience exactly 400 times as many visitors per year.  As a result, the habitat and the wildlife of the Simiens is almost undisturbed, and some remarkable animals and birds can be seen.  There are pressures on the Simien Mountain national park, of course, such as encroachment of farmers, but it remains a fabulous place, with a landscape of unusual beauty, suggestive of an ‘other-worldly’ character, such that one finds oneself imagining an episode of Doctor Who or Planet of the Apes being filmed here, so unusual is the scenery.  Thrown up by ancient volcanic eruptions, the mountains are green to the top (only about 13 degrees of latitude north of the equator) and steep sided, the cliffs often plunging a thousand metres from the escarpment.  Please admire the photos, but if you like walking and you are considering the Simien Mountains, read on.

Xerxes, Philippa, Lindsay, Andrew

Meskel flowers, rain approaching

Melaku, our guide.  Melaku means 'Angel'

Our tents at the Geech campsite, a windswept altiplano at 3600m

The cooks' hut, Geech

Standards!  Menber puts his whites on for dinner

Crossing the Jinbar river.  A tranquil scene but the force of the water was tremendous

Walking through the uplands and giant lobelias

Tawny eagle and thick-billed raven

Gelada baboon.  Despite their name they are closer to monkeys than baboons

Walia ibex, above Chennek

Looking down one of the canyons from about 3900m

Child shepherds, above Chennek

Distant lowland village

Sunset from Kheda Dit


We arrive in Debark, a small town near the park, as most trekkers do, from Gondar, itself quite an unusual town.  The Ethiopian capital was here during the seventeenth century, and each king built himself a slightly different castle.  The centre of rule lingered on here until the nineteenth century before shifting to Addis.  There are four of us, keen walkers, but not in the first flush of youth: Andrew (66), Lindsay (61), Xerxes (64), Philippa (59).

This is how, taken from my diary, the experience unfolded:

Wednesday.  The road from Gondar to Debark is about 100Km in a north-northeast direction and is good quality tarmac.  Our guide from the tour company Ethio Guzo is the somewhat Rasta looking Wirku (it means Gold in Amharic).  Poor Gold started as a street urchin and shoe-shine boy in Debark; was assisted by a Dutch tour guide to get some schooling and is now in a fairly responsible position.  Unfortunately he needs a little advice on how best to get on and get ahead, but more of that later.  From Gondar we have taken a chef (Menber) and his equipment.  There is a rotation booking system for guides to the Simien Mountains National Park, but Melaku (Angel) our guide is a freelance who was obviously booked by Ethio Guzo.  He sorts out the paperwork for our permits – this is really fairly quick and easy (500 Birr per head for Europeans and it looks like 200 for locals) – and we also pick up an aged scout called Mohammed who is hefting an antique looking bolt action rifle.  We turn off the tarmac and onto the dirt road through what seems to be the main street of Debark; dirt, dust and dung, and head off to the park gate, some 15Km up the track.  Paperwork is checked and we’re in.  The dirt road has stone and gravel surfacings for the most part, but the quality is not good, and frequent rains produce erosion and channels in the surface.  Debark itself is high, 2850m, and our first camp site (Sankaber) is at around 3260m.  After about an hour on the road from Debark, Melaku, Mohammed, and we four trekkers get down and start walking.  Our route is more or less parallel to the track, but there are detours to the edge of the mountain ridge with great views.  The vegetation is largely giant tree heather, reminiscent of the cloud forest on La Gomera in the Canaries.  Spanish Moss drips from it.  There are many plants we can see in Europe in evidence, particularly cistus, scabious, and dwarf hebes.  There are flowers which look a little like yellow marguerites, but are the very widespread endemic Meskel flowers, symbol of the Ethiopian New Year, which takes place in late September.  Sightings include thick-billed raven, lammergeyer, augur buzzard, and a troop of Gelada baboons.  After less than three hours, during which we receive some persistent rain we reach Sankaber camp.  My diary, generally brief, says ‘Good tent.  Terrible latrine.  No running water.’  Distance approximately 4 miles.  Slow because quite breathless at 3200m, despite Diamox (acetazolamide).  At least no headaches.  We have only been in Ethiopia for four days.

There are only a few ‘approved’ camp sites in the Simien Mountains.  Everybody has to camp in these places.  There are wolves, jackals, and the occasional leopard, so it is not wise to take a chance on it.  One reason for the scouts is therefore protection.  We find out later that they have a rota for checking the camp through the night.  The approved sites have nothing particular to recommend them.  The latrines are appalling.  Even on army manoeuvres, when digging a latrine we were always instructed to leave the excavated soil to cover the excrement.  Here the soil has been taken away.  Enough said.  There are usually one or two little round corrugated iron huts, where the cooks can prepare and cook food undercover.  All equipment, food, and water has to be brought in.  I note that the stoves are propane rather than butane (more appropriate for low temperatures).

Thursday.  Not a very comfortable night, and it rained heavily.  Breakfast of pancake and honey and leave about 0810.  Menber did a good job of creating a one cooking pot meal the previous evening, but I can’t remember what it was.  He makes some soup every evening and then adds something else.
We wind around the ridges with great views, coming down to a viewpoint above the spectacular Jinbar Falls, where the river plunges 500m over the edge of the plateau.  From here it is steeply up the hillside, past stupendous fall-away views of steep grass slopes covered in places by kniphophia (red hot poker) flowers, and troops of baboons scratching at the grasslands for grubs.  Beyond the grass slopes the walls of the mountains fall away on their northern side for a thousand metres to the undulating plains below.  In the canyon below the Jinbar falls there are circling griffon vultures, lammergeyer, and swifts.  Further on we see alpine chat, black-headed siskin, yellow bishop, grey-necked sparrow and wattled ibis.  There is a very long ascent, perhaps 500 to 600m past the village of Geech with its few circular mud and wood and stone huts to the plateau of Geech camp, at 3620m.  Total distance walked about 8 miles, 470m of down and 870m up.  Because of the heavy rains the water in the Jinbar river is fast and deep and we elect to cross by mule, paying 50 Birr each to do so (32 Birr = £1).  Before descending to the river we come across a famous local musician playing his one-stringed violin.  At least the guide tells us he is famous.

At the camp there is great excitement because there is a large party from Exodus present and two of the scouts have killed a sheep for their supper.  We don’t get any mutton to eat ourselves, but in view of a subsequent experience at the hotel in the Gheralta (Gheralta Lodge) I realise that we didn’t miss much.  Quite how they can make the meat tougher than boot leather is a conundrum...
The offal and blood bring lammergeyer and tawny eagle to the party, together with dozens of ravens (collective noun an ‘unkindness’ of ravens).  There is a lovely sunset.

I suspect I must have felt rather better today, for at least I made a note of Menber’s menu for tonight.  It was tomato soup followed by a hash of pasta, vegetables, potato and fried aubergine.  After dark there are several hours of distant thunderstorms, lightning, and then later in the night, more rain.
At about 5 am there begins a general murmuring of scouts and cookboys around the camp.  From 6 a cockerel begins, but he is silent after a few minutes (is he saving energy or is he headed for a cooking pot?).  The now familiar barking of ravens begins at daylight.  By 7 am there is a little sunshine on the tent and it seems propitious to get up.  Geech is a much larger area than Sankaber.  It’s an altiplano really.  Hobbled mules graze.  There are cows and sheep from the village.  And there are a lot of tents.  We’ve been joined by a large German group.

Today, Friday, is a more leisurely excursion because we are scheduled to spend another night at Geech.  We walk gently uphill towards the NE along the spine of the Simiens to a lofty peak at Imet Gogo, at about 3900m.  In view of the mist Melaku does not attempt the final scramble up the boulders to the end of the peak, about 30m higher.  The view is nonetheless spectacular.  We then walk along the edge of the abyss back to the west passing the gorge of Sinha.  Unfortunately by the time we reach the gorge we are being pelted by rain and hail.  Sightings of Thekla’s lark, wattle ibis, scraper thrush, lammergeyer, augur buzzard.  Back at camp the bushes around are populated by the endemic black-headed Ethiopian siskin.  The landscape has taken on that other planetary feel, as we walk through giant lobelias back to camp.  Lunch is Ethiopian – injera (the ghastly pancake bread), wot, shiro, potatoes in tomato and chilli sauce.  5.9 miles, ascent to 3903m.

In the afternoon we walk down to the local village which we passed on the previous day.  The idea is to visit a villager who will perform the ritual coffee preparation ceremony for us.  Wirku doesn’t seem to be too certain which of the villagers will do this and it’s the third hut that we come to that contains the lady of the manor (so to speak) who will take the time to do it.  In view of what we give her in Ethiopian Birr (200 Birr is about 10 US dollars or £6.50, a huge amount of money in Ethiopia) I’m surprised that the villagers aren’t all clamouring outside their huts for us to go in.  One of our party is bird phobic, so we have to chase the chickens out before we start.  It is daytime so the other residents of the hut (cows, donkey, goats) are already outside.  There is a cat too which is presumably useful because the area must be rat infested.  In the gloom, lit only by a wood fire, the lady who thinks that she must be about 25 years old, but is only guessing because she only has three children as yet, takes a shallow iron dish and places it on the trivet over the fire.  Then she washes the coffee beans.  Then they are roasted on the dish.  Using a wooden pestle and mortar she grinds the coffee and puts a kettle onto the fire.  The ground coffee is put directly into the kettle once the water is boiling.  Bear in mind that we are at 3500m so the water temperature is about 88°C.  She washes out some tiny cups, wiping them with a cloth (oh dear) and pours in the coffee.  Finally she pushes a few embers from the fire forward into the dust and puts a few crystals of frankincense on it.  Ethiopian coffee is muddy and not harsh with a gentle roast flavour.  It seems to taste better as black coffee...

In the evening, Melaku, a Dutch trekker from another group, and I walk up to Kheda Dit – a walk of about 30 minutes.  Kheda Dit sits on the northern flank of the Simiens, and serried rows of mountains and hills can be seen as far as the eye can take one to the west.  The sunset is worth the visit, the rows of hills assuming differing shades of grey, blue, or pink as the day draws to a close.  Well before sunset there is another phenomenon which is worth seeing (it can also be seen from our next camp, Chennek).  This is the nightly procession of Gelada baboons to the cliff edge, from which they jump, climb, and swing in a manner which would put an Olympic gymnast to shame, down the cliff faces and steep grassy banks and into caves set into the sheer rock of the Simien wall.  In here they must be free from even the most ambitious of predators.

Saturday.  The next day we make a prompt start at 0810hrs.  It has been an extremely cold night.  The stars with the Milky Way evident were magnificent, but the morning is icy and we are all up early to don more clothes and get warm.  Although the cooks and scouts try to keep a fire going the thin air and poor quality of the wood makes it difficult.  The coffee lady could teach them a thing or two.  The night is also interrupted; I think I speak for all of us, by visits outside the tent to pass urine.  This is a known side effect of the acetazolamide, which acts as a diuretic.  Another bizarre effect which most people seem to get is the buzzing paraesthesia (medical word meaning tingling feeling) due to changes in nerve function.  I can liken this most closely to the feeling that you might get if you use a power tool such as a garden strimmer for too long.  On the plus side, although a little puffed when walking uphill, none of us has had high altitude headache, which I have definitely had at similar altitudes when not taking acetazolamide.

A gentle ascent back towards Imet Gogo, then a fork right towards the southeast and a long trek down along the edge of the escarpment.  At the bottom, two of our party who found the ascent very tough two days beforehand get onto the pre-arranged mules for the 470m climb to our lunch spot, at something over 4000m.  I walk slowly up the muddy area with tree heather overhanging until about 150m higher, the terrain becomes more open and the giant lobelias take over.  This is genuine Planet of the Apes landscape.  It would be wrong to call it lunar, because there is vegetation.  One can imagine a Star Trek astronaut saying ‘It’s our planet all right, Captain, but not as we know it.’
It’s now mostly down and we reach the road about 200m below Chennek camp.  8.35 miles, 5 hours of walking.  Current elevation 3630m; 700m of ascent and descent.  Sightings of lammergeyer, swift, raven, white-billed starling, brown rumped seed eater, pigeon, dusky turtle dove, and weavers.  A klipspringer bounded away in the distance near Imet Gogo, but as yet we haven’t seen the famed Walia ibex.

The last thirty minutes or so of descent are in heavy rain and we feel a bit miserable and gloomy when we arrive in Chennek, as per the usual dismal facilities (hole in the ground, no running water) but we have some tea, coffee, popcorn, and biscuit in the cook’s shack.  After a while the rain stops and there is even some sunshine.  The cook is keen to get us fed, so at 630pm we eat soup, Russian salad, pasta, egg and mushroom.  By 8 o’clock there is nothing else for it but to turn in.  As we settle into bed Wirku informs us that there is no accommodation for Melaku, and his own tent is cold and wet inside, so he would like to borrow our blankets.  We yield them: it’s not as cold as the previous night.

Sunday.  The next day starts badly.  Wirku announces that he didn’t sleep well and has had a bad headache for several nights.  It turns out that although he has made day trips to the Simiens he has not done one of these treks before.  His presence hasn’t really assisted us.  He has a tendency to buttonhole our guide Melaku, walking on ahead and chatting in Amharic, so that we have to push hard to catch up.  He is 22 years old, exactly one third of my own age, and although he has had a tough life he needs to get a bit of maturity and judgement into him.  It doesn’t help that he has allowed us to pay his way in restaurants and bars (it’s not a huge expense but it’s not Ethio Guzo’s policy) and occasionally makes far too obvious hints such as ‘I don’t have a watch’, or ‘Will you be needing those poles when you’ve finished your trekking?’  I genuinely feel sorry for him, but it’s probably the company who are to blame in that he needs to learn how to do his job by example and tutelage rather than on his own.  Wirku implies, as indeed he did the night before, that we don’t need to do our final early morning start and trek to the summit of Buwa Hit; that he has booked the transport for 10am, and we should all head back to Gondar.  Our itinerary clearly says that those of us who would like to should make an early start and trek to the summit of the mountain, about 800 to 900m of ascent, for great views of the Simiens, possible sightings of Walia ibex, and a final achievement.  Melaku has obviously been briefed to lead this, ignores Wirku, and he, Philippa and I set off for the climb.  Lindsay and Xerxes decide on a leisurely morning in camp with some exploration, and animal and bird watching.

Essentially our route is straight up.  Mostly it follows the dirt road towards a high mountain pass, cutting off some of the hairpin bends, and finally leaving the track for the final push.  We could have left at 7 but the cook is not keen to be out in the cold any earlier than 6.30, so we are ready to depart at 7.30.  As we prepare to leave, we notice two little girls sitting by the edge of our camp.  They look about 8 and 6, but turn out to be about 3 years older.  The younger one has an ulcer on her foot.  This must be something unusual even for the local people because apparently they don’t usually come for help.  On the dorsum of the little girl’s foot is a punched out ulcer, about 4 by 6cm, clean down to the muscle.  It looks like a third degree burn, but is not.  It started as a small lesion and then spread.  There is infected slough on the site, so we clean it, treat it with fucidin ointment, and put a clean dressing on it.  My best guess is a Buruli ulcer, a disease caused by a bacterium similar to TB.  If so the fucidin will not help.  There is a free government clinic a day or so away where they can go, and this is what we ask the guide to tell them...

The hike up to Buwa Hit (which we christen Bugger Dit) takes about two and a half hours.  At the top, another two little girls are selling some trinkets and Pepsi Cola.  We buy something.  The cloud comes in and we miss the view of the highest Ethiopian peak, but we are only about 100m lower, at 4400m.  On the way down we have all the time in the world to chat, but no breath at all on the way up.  Back on the track, with only about 30 minutes to go to camp, the trouble starts.  A 4x4 roars up the road and stops.  It’s Wirku.  ‘You guys had enough?  Want a ride?’  Melaku seems unimpressed and suggests we keep on walking at least until he turns round, no easy feat on this road.  Behind us we hear the noise of a screaming clutch and wheels scrabbling for purchase.  Eventually it’s clear that Wirku either can’t start the car or turn it round.  Melaku sensibly sends Mohammed running on down to camp to alert the others.  Pretty soon the cook and the driver appear.  They are furious.  Apparently Wirku (you will remember that his name means Gold; Xerxes has long since christened him G.B.) was itching to get home.  The driver was an hour later than expected.  There should be two cars and not one.  As soon as the driver got out, Wirku got in without asking and roared up the track to cut short our walk and pick us up.  Now he’s stuck, the car is possibly damaged – hopefully only superficially – and God knows what he’s done to the clutch.

In the meantime Melaku detours from the road and we are rewarded with the sight of one of the world’s rarest animals.  Some 200m away, a magnificent male Walia ibex is grazing unconcernedly with his harem of 7 ladies.  As we walk on down, they are so focused on the grass that we can get much closer still and movie footage as they too meander gradually downhill, eventually crossing the ridge and disappearing.  Back in camp the atmosphere is not good.  Two cars were ordered to arrive at 10.  Only one arrived, and that well after 11am.  Wirku was furious.  Hence his ‘TDA’ (taking and driving away).  Other cars arrive but can’t help.  Lindsay tips a driver 100 Birr to head up the road to see if he can help.  Eventually, some 30 minutes after we get back, two cars come down.  Wirku seems unrepentant, but he’s smashed the left rear bumper and bashed the bull bars.  A furious discussion ensues.  The driver says the cook will have to stay behind.  The cook refuses.  A compromise is reached whereby the poor cook’s boy stays, nine of us get into the Landcruiser, the kitchen and camping gear is tied to the roof, and others arrange themselves around our bags.  Needless to say, as the final loading takes place, rain begins.  It turns to hail.  Off we go.  The tyres have a little bit of tread left, but would clearly be illegal in the UK.  We grind to a halt three times, the vehicle unable to climb the wet rocks and gravel.  Most of us get out and walk up the hills.  Some are so squashed up in the back that it would take ten minutes to extricate them so they stay, but fortunately the vehicle just makes it.  We’re wet, pelted with hailstones, and some of the mud inevitably covers our clothes as we slog up the track.  After three steep sections the gradient levels somewhat, the calibre of the gravel is smaller and gives more traction, and we’re back in the vehicle for the long grind to the park gate, which we christen ‘Depark’ and now only 15Km to ‘Debark’.  At the park office it’s sad to say goodbye to Melaku, a calm and knowledgeable guide, and to Mohammed, who with his trusty gun was always at the rear to help the stragglers.  Having sat four in the back Lindsay makes it clear that Wirku can climb into the luggage compartment with Menber.  Eventually we are back at Fasil Lodge in Gondar at 6.15pm, darkness falling fast.  Fasil Lodge, run by a lovely family, seemed rather ‘low rent’ when we first checked in before our Simien experience.  Now it seems like paradise.

I wasn’t well enough to join the others at the Four Sisters restaurant last time we were in Gondar, but now off we go for some St George’s and Dashen beers and a good buffet.  The four sisters who run it are an interesting crew.  The two most obvious and pretty ones are front of house.  One trips back and forth between the restaurant and the kitchen.  The fattest one, all smiles and bonhomie, works the cash till.  ‘It ain’t over until the Fat Lady rings,’ someone observes.  A touch of euphoria there I fancy.

They say that ‘Adventure is hardship recollected in tranquillity,’ and this applies to our Simien Mountains trek.  A beautiful and fragile environment.  The government is paying villagers to relocate to return some of the land to the wilderness that it once was, which would give greater habitat areas to the endangered species within it.  But controlling it in a better way would allow the creation of some higher quality lodges within it, the digging and maintenance of proper septic tanks, and a limited service industry for those who want to trek there.  The Ethiopian Government could achieve what it wants for the park and yet sustain an eco-friendly tourist industry.


As an addendum, I would mention that on return to Fasil Lodge that evening, the receptionist is looking for me and acting on instructions calls Ethio Guzo in Addis.  Steve Olsen, the Canadian CEO of the company is on the line.  He has obviously heard something of what transpired at Chennek.  He’s unimpressed by the behaviour of Wirku, and offers us another guide for the next week of our trip.  Despite some misgivings, it seems unwise to persist with G.B.  Xerxes is delighted.  I think we are all relieved, and so within a day or so we meet up with Fekadu in Lalibela, who sees us through the rest of the journey.  So Ethio Guzo sorted it, and overall we had a great Ethiopia experience.  This diary is only concerned with the trekking.  We went at what should have been the start of the dry season, but the Simien Mountains are unpredictable, and therein lies some of their beauty and charm.  Try them.

Friday, October 24, 2014

The James plays


The James Plays

The earliest written use of the word ‘fuck’ probably appears in the play ‘Ane Satyre of the Thrie Estaitis’ by Sir David Lindsay, first performed in full in 1552.  Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that Lindsay was Scottish.  Rona Munro, in her new plays about the first three James, Monarchs of Scotland, obviously assumed that it was in common currency in the 1400s too, so that at times the dialogue on stage in these plays reminds one of the standoffs that occur between rival Celtic and Rangers fans at an Old Firm game.

One of the lines which has become famous is uttered by Margaret, Princess of Denmark, in trying to hold things together at the end of James III.  ‘The trouble with you Scots is that you’ve got fuck all except attitude.’  And there is certainly plenty of attitude on stage, in fistfuls and often fisticuffs.  But at the end of all this, are the plays any good?

We saw James III first, were unable to see James II (which most critics, and certainly friends in Edinburgh thought was the weakest), and finished off with James I.  In James III, the King, tautly and edgily played by Jamie Sives was an excellent foil for the undoubted star of the show, Sofie Grȧbøl, the Danish actress with an impressive curriculum vitae.  Sofie is best known to English audiences as Detective Sarah Lund from ‘The Killing’, where she usually ventures into dark buildings armed only with a Faroe Island sweater and jeans.  In James III however she is exquisitely dressed, and both her appearance and acting are regal and dominating.  In fact her diction and her English is so perfect that I found myself wanting to hear her to speak with more of a Danish accent!  Halfway through the first act of James III (subtitled The True Mirror) I was unsure how it was that the Scottish nobles hadn’t managed to get rid of James already, with his unsufferable and unrealistic ideas, together with a complete absence of funds in the privy purse to achieve them.  But as in Hamlet, one can’t end the play too early.  When Hamlet catches Claudius at prayer, he is able to kill him easily, but fails to do so for another two hours; and so we have to plod on until eventually James exits stage front right with his paramour and a bit of gratuitous male nudity.  Hamlet is a good play to keep in mind.  The machinations of Claudius have nothing on some of the Scots kings and nobles...
James III is also, probably intentionally, the funnier play.  Because of his apparent devotion to the arts, there is much more music, expertly provided by a band on stage (Red Hot Chilli Pipers take a bow), and a remarkably apposite and enjoyable version of ‘Don’t you want me baby’ by the Human League is a highlight, together with well-executed dancing from the ensemble.  Much fun can be had with James’ lamentations that all Margaret has brought with her as a dowry from Denmark is the Orkney and Shetland Isles.  ‘They’re very beautiful’ says Margaret, ‘You should get your Navy to take you there sometime.’  ‘When I want to see a bunch of Danish castoffs shagging their livestock and making bootees out of herring skins I’ll be straight up there’ retorts James.

James I (subtitled The Key Will Keep the Lock) is darker, and I missed the band, though there is some music.  There is an overlong scene in the King’s bed in Act II, which would have benefited from some editorial cutting, or at least honing.  The cast does not seem to be as strong either.  James McArdle, as James I, has a disconcerting habit of pausing for dramatic effect, but in a way which makes one feel that unfortunately he has forgotten his lines.  But he does at least make a transition from timid prisoner of the English to regal status.  Stephanie Hyam, Queen Joan, is undoubtedly pretty, but her voice does not carry further than the first ten rows.  Do Directors sit at the back in rehearsals to assess diction and enunciation these days?  One wonders.

There is an enormous dramatic opportunity which Rona Munro has not missed for James I to make a statement about Scotland and the quintessence of being Scottish.  He has emerged from the chrysalis of long term internment in England, seemingly at the wish of Henry V, to unite the Scots and to become a friend to England (a little known fact of English history is that Agincourt was not the be all and end all of skirmishes between France and England in the early fifteenth century, and the Scots were quite capable of joining with the French to fight their traditional enemy of England).  Plus cą change.  So James returns to Scotland, and bearing in mind that these plays were performed in Edinburgh, shortly before the vote on Independence, he delivers a stirring speech which must have had them cheering to the rafters in Scotland.  At the National Theatre in London it seemed to be absorbed, just like Queen Joan’s diction, about halfway back in the Olivier Theatre’s comfortable padded seats.

There is much more than narrow Nationalism in the plays however.  The central theme is Kingship, and its use and abuse.  How to be a King is a recurring theme from Sophocles to Shakespeare.  The Key Will Keep the Lock refers to security and the rule of law which James is keen to implement.  James I gets it mostly right, but makes fatal errors.  James III never gets it right, but fortunately has Margaret to pick up the pieces.  There is something to enjoy in all this, especially James III, but Scottish ‘attitude’, especially in James I seems to be portrayed in a torrent of ‘fucking’.  Restraint is an excellent and too little used strategy.  In John Cleese’s famous sketch, where as Pope he is interviewing Michelangelo, he eventually comes out in exasperation with ‘I ought to know: I am the head of the fucking Catholic church’.  And the effect is uproarious.

‘You praise the verve with which they write,
I’m with you there of course.
They use the snaffle and the curb all right
But where’s the bloody horse?’

RIP (Restitutum In Patria – Gie us back wir Country) Alex Salmond.

A review by Andrew McLeod (Scottish but wasn't entitled to vote)